that time when loveless ran completely contradictory of its title and had me flailing over printed pages || my life is perfect

maybe one of the best selling points of a world-loved author is when their books are ridiculously easy to binge-read within the smol lengths of a mere four hours.

in other words, ALICE OSEMAN PROBABLY DESERVES TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SOMEDAY.

although i wouldn’t exactly encourage the idea too much, because MAKING THE WORLD ALL MY OWN IS MY LIFELONG DREAM DARNIT. but i also wouldn’t be completely against the otherly dreams, because, COME TO THINK OF IT. this reality would be so much better than, say, a marissa meyer rule BECAUSE I AM FIRMLY AGAINST THAT.

i also like to think of oseman as the kind of fun person WHO SUGGESTS HEISTING MUSEUMS AS CASUAL SATURDAY NIGHT ACTIVITIES and devouring waffles later as smol, unworthy rewards to celebrate our many victories. which is why OSEMAN RULE WOULD SUIT US WELL. especially me. WHEN I BECOME THE QUEENLY ASSISSTANT AND SECRETLY TAKE OVER. but shhhh. SECRETS. you mustn’t spill them.

in a drop of ink:

→ protagonist who goes on an entire journey of figuring out and coming to terms with her identity
→ features ALL THE DIVERSITY
→ also an indian side character
→ who probably is in severe need of more screentime.
→ BUT I LOVE
→ university life and dorms and FUN
→ and friendships and how they’re the most beautiful things in existence
→ basically just. SO. MUCH. FUN.
→ AND DID I MENTION FUN
→ because that’s kind of the main point over here
→ FUN IS FABULOUS
→ and the only thing in life that ACTUALLY MATTERS.

the fourth novel from the phenomenally talented alice oseman – one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary ya.

“it was all sinking in. i’d never had a crush on anyone. no boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. what did that mean?”

georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush – but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day.

as she starts university with her best friends, pip and jason, in a whole new town far from home, georgia’s ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate* on her side and a place in the shakespeare society, her ‘teenage dream’ is in sight.

but when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. with new terms thrown at her – asexual, aromantic – georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever.

is she destined to remain loveless? or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along?

this wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees alice oseman on towering form as georgia and her friends discover that true love isn’t limited to romance.

~ synopsis from goodreads

*HER NAME IS ROONEY AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND WISH TO MAKE HER MY BEST FRIEND OF EVER. ROONEY IS PERFECT IN ALL THE WAYS.

welcome to a new favorite!! THIS WAS AMAZINGNESS MULTIPLIED AND I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF IT. and also in love with rooney and the diversity in it all. ROONEY IS AMAZING. I WANT ROONEY.

but also here’s all the proof BECAUSE I NEED TO GIVE THAT TO ALL OF YOU UNTRUSTING OLIVES, DON’T I?? why do i even keep you around I SHALL NEVER KNOW.*

*SHHH. YOU KNOW THAT’S A LIE. LOOK, DON’T MAKE A HABIT OUT OF THIS BECAUSE I DO NOT DECLARE PROUDLY. BUT I LOVE YOU GUYS.

it’s actually insanely hilarious AND I LOVE THAT. also made me cackle SO ALL THE CHOCOLATE AND EXTRA POINTS.

here’s a world-known secret. about the queen*:

it’s a scientifically** proven fact that humor is the one and only fool-proof way to winning over my WHOLE ENTIRE SOUL. if you make me cackle, IT’S YOURS. maybe i don’t always give it up willingly (SOULS ARE IMPORTANT. or so they tell me) BUT IT’S YOURS NOW.

and this book made me cackle. so technically, by the forever unchangeable rules of science, I’M CURRENTLY SOUL-LESS. and also obsessed with the thieving book.

THE UNIVERSE HAS WEIRD WAYS OF RETRIBUTION.

but the THING is that this book is hilarious. AND I LOVE THAT.

and maybe humor is like 97% of the reason this book shall show up on my favorites BUT IT’S ABSOLUTELY LOGICAL. I AM ALL ABOUT LOGIC.

georgia’s voice is criminally entertaining actually (AND ALSO HIGHLY CACKLE-WORTHY at points. GEORGIA’S FABULOUS AND I MUST ADOPT HER. but my mom disagrees. ALTHOUGH I MUST DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE #LOYALTIES), and possibly the SINGLE, MOST IMPORTANT REASON this must be seen in your hands the next time you travel libraries. ALTHOUGH DEADLY THREATS THAT INCLUDE UNNECESSARILY HUGE QUANTITIED MENTIONS OF OLIVES MIGHT HAVE A HAND IN WORLDLY WORKINGS. (keep my secrets)

*BY WHICH I MEAN, ME OBVIOUSLY. HOW DARE YOU STARE INTO SPACE AND SCRUNCH UP YOUR EYEBROWS WHILE DISSOLVING INTO CONFUSED EXPRESSIONS LIKE THAT. HOW THE FLAPPING FLICK DARE YOU

** GOOGLE DEFINES ‘SCIENTIFICALLY’ AS “BASED ON EXPERIMENTS AND KNOWLEDGE AND RESULTS”. THIS IS BASED ON EXPERIMENT. SO MANY EXPERIMENTS. IT COUNTS. DON’T GLARE AT ME LIKE THAT. I HAVE DAGGERS IN MY HANDS.

also the friendship. it’s slight LIFE GOALS.

but then, I’LL LET YOU IN ON ANOTHER SECRET.

it’s true that olives and ALL THINGS SWEET with the smallest pinch of worldly humor is the protected secret of feared soul-thieving. but friendships are also apparently my ONLY weakness in life. (EXCEPT OLIVES. THE OLIVES ARE MY WHOLE ENTIRE PURPOSE FOR BEING AND KEEP ME ALIVE SOMETIMES. oxygen is a lie. THEY MERELY RENAMED THE OLIVES. it’s complicated)

this book is apparently big on making all the people love it. HENCE ENTER THE BEST EVER FRIENDSHIP DYNAMICS IN ALL OF EVER WHEREIN PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER AND WOULD DESTROY THE WHOLE WORLD FOR EACH OTHER. you make my heart melt, THE IMBECILES.

there’s this one scene where the characters UNLEASH EMOTIONS UNTO THE WORLD and scream about living as neighbours for the entirety of an eternity and planning vacations and drinking tea together and going over for dinner every night and laughing about school memories and ACTING ALL THE SHAKESPEARE WHEN THEY’RE 99 AND GOSHDARNIT MY EYES TEARED.

THIS BOOK IS EVIL. you don’t DO things like that to me, THE QUEEN OF ALL.

this is a story surrounding friendships AND THE WAY THAT THEY’RE ACTUALLY SO BEAUTIFUL and precious and DOWNRIGHT PHENOMENAL and the best things in existence, and i just sob on the ink-stained floors. IT’S STUNNING.

there’s all these award-deserving conversations about how friendship is SO MUCH GREATER THAN ROMANCE and there’s HILARIOUS DIALOGUE and backstories and the best friendship dynamics IN ALL OF EVER. and maybe the best thing is how it’s all so geniune and realistic AND EARTHLY and beautiful. welcome to ignoring lectures together and FALLING IN LOVE WITH MOVIES and this different way of seeing the world.

and at the end of it all, you’re like, PLEASE ADOPT ME INTO YOUR FRIENDSHIP GROUP ALREADY. I SHALL GIVE UP ON CHOCOLATE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE*. while also silently sobbing about the book being over so quick WHY DON’T GOOD BOOKS LAST FOREVER.

i want friends like these.

*SHHH IT’S OK, MY CHOCOLATES. DON’T SOB. YOU KNOW I WON’T DO THINGS LIKE THAT.

also has all the EVERYTHING of university life and studying english and COURSEWORK and wow i’m THRIVING off of it.

there’s roommates and lectures and LIBRARIES AND IT STARTS OFF AT PROM. plus there’s also new friendships and committing of dumb stuff and idiotic decisions that have immense consequences and FRIENDSHIPS and doing homework in libraries and parties and clubbing. OH AND DID I MENTION FRIENDSHIPS?? because they’re fabulous. AND I LOVE.

they talk about english assignments AND SILENTLY WHINE ABOUT THEM WHILE SITTING IN LIBRARIES but this life would be my dream AND I’D LOVE TO LIVE IT SO SO MUCH. ALSO I LOVE ROONEY.

AND ENGLISH AND LANGUAGES AND HAVING TO READ 10 WHOLE BOOKS IN A MONTH because COME. ON. this is my second most dreamed dream of my life, AFTER WORLD CONQUERANCE OF COURSE BECAUSE I AM #LOYAL. i don’t give up on the world so easily.

they talk about ALL THE THINGS IN ALL THE WORLD and make cacti their friends and sometimes scream about the unmatched superiority of fairylights. I MUST LIVE IN THIS.

and sometimes i imagine i actually do. IT’S A NICE LIFE.

there’s also shakespeare. SO MUCH SHAKESPEARE. i’m obsessed like that.

i am an immensely HUUUUGE self-diagnosed romeo and juliet hater BUT I ALSO THINK SHAKESPEARE IS SO INCREDIBLY COOL. because of the merchant of venice and possibly also because of how he accidentally wrote a gay play once, without actually ever meaning to write a gay play. IT’S EXCITING AND ALSO VERY ‘HA SHAKESPEARE DEFINITELY DESERVES ALL THE CREDIT BUT FOR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REASONS THAN WHAT THE WORLD FIRST IMAGINED’-ish levels of MAKING MY KEYBOARD JOIN ME IN ALL THE FLAILING SO THAT I CAN BLAME IT FOR THE INSANE AMOUNTS OF SCREAMING THAT THE DOG-INHABITED NEIGHBOURHOOD SHALL BE SUBJECTED TO and get away with word murder and the like. (BE PROUD OF ME)

also THERE’S SO MUCH SWORDS IN HIS PLAYS AND I SLIGHTLY LIVE FOR THAT. and despite my numerous declarations in support of the contrary, I’M ACTUALLY A HUGE FAN OF MEDIEVAL ENGLISH AND ALL THE DIFFERENCES IN LANGUAGE AND SHAKESPEARE IS JUST COOL LIKE THAT OK?
OK.

but then this book is better. ROONEY (the new roommate georgia basically adopts after initial sobbing over shared living spaces. georgia is introvert. and therefore relatable) HAS AN OBSESSION and they put on plays AND BASICALLY ENDLESSLY OBSESS (although rooney’s the main obsessor in question BUT IT’S OK IF I WERE A FRIEND I’D JOIN HER TOO) (WHICH MAKES THE KEY TAKEAWAY FROM THIS CONVERSATION LIKE SUCH: they must adopt me. AND THEN I’D JOIN IN ON ALL THE SHAKESPEARE FLAILING AND STEALING YOUR FISH AND CHIPS. i love the chips. AND ALSO ROONEY) it’s slightly my BIGGEST EVER CURRENT LIFE DREAM to live in this book.

SOMEONE WRITE ME INTO THE NARRATIVE AND DECLARE MAGIC A REALITY AND MAKE ME LIVE IN THIS BOOK.

or maybe just make me live in this book. I SHALL BE HAPPINESS OVERLOAD. and probably burst. which would be a problem SINCE THE MAIN THING OVER HERE IS GETTING TO LIVE IN THE BOOK and bursting might make that difficult, but its ok. EXCITEMENT’S IMPORTANT. i shall take the bursting IF IT GETS ME MAGIC.

ALICE OSEMAN IS ABSOLUTELY QUEENLY WHEN IT COMES TO DIVERSITY AND INCAPABLE OF EVER DISAPPOINTING.

there’s SO MANY different characters AND THERE’S AN INDIAN SIDE CHARACTER and there’s pip and rooney AND GEORGIA and her cousin AND MIDNIGHT FRENCH FRIES AND ICE-CREAM. DID I MENTION ICE-CREAM???? SOMEONE GIVE ME ICE-CREAM.

also identity crises and important conversations regarding all of it AND AN AROACE PROTAGONIST + CERTAIN SIDE CHARACTERS THAT SHALL MAYBE PROBABLY DEFINITELY STEAL YOUR HEART AND KEEP IT AS THEIR OWN.

but it’s okay. you’ll love them too much to be mad for long. THEY’RE FABULOUS.

it’s actually also otherworldly perfection and FEATURES SCOOBY DOO OBSESSIONS and battles on bouncy castles with fake swords. AND ALL THE FUN.

look. by all means, I AM NOT A SCOOBY DOO FAN. i actually hate the show to immense degrees even though it features dogs (I LOVE THE DOG OK) but i find the characters inexplicably ANNOYING. and it’s dumb how they keep running on chases AND LEARN NOTHING FROM THE ONES THEY’VE RUN ON IN THE PAST. why do they HAVE RIDICULOUSLY LOW REMEMBERING CAPACITIES?? i don’t understand any of it. BUT IT’S OK BECAUSE I STILL LOVE JASON AND HE MAKES SCOOBY DOO SLIGHTLY BETTER. in that i’ll remember rooney and this story whenever it comes on.

but all of that’s alright because i’m also living merely for ALL THE BANTER.

i LOVE banter. banter is fabulous. EXPECIALLY WHEN IT’S IN BOOKS AND EXISTS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRETY OF IT AND THERE’S THESE TWO CHARACTERS WHO’RE SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT ALSO BANTER BECAUSE WOW I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO ACT AROUND YOU. and therefore choose the easier way. the easier way being ALL THE FUN BANTER THAT SHALL MAKE THE READERS CACKLE AND THE LISTENERS-BY BEING CONFUSED ABOUT TEARS AND LAUGHTER AND THE COMMITMENT TO EITHER. (the other, more difficult option being immense awkwardness WHEREIN THERE’S FORCED LAUGHTER. and embarassing circumstances. 1000/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND)

this is what you need to know: there’s pip and there’s rooney and there’s a happily ever after. BUT THERE’S ALSO THE THINGS IN BETWEEN THAT PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE OUT WHEN TELLING THE STORY. and one of those aforementioned things in between, that is supposedly so often left out IS THE BANTER BETWEEN THEM. pip and rooney are slight HEROES OF SORTS and i love them. oh and then they fight on the bouncy castle using those swimming noodles (OR POODLES I’M ACTUALLY NOT SURE) type things AND IT’S SO MUCH FUN I WANT TO FIGHT ON BOUNCY CASTLES WITH APPROVED ENEIMES OF SORTS TOO, OK?

(I LOVE THEM SO MUCH GOSHDARNIT)

(although i also slightly desperately wish to be pip OR MAYBE EVEN GEORGIA because then i’d get to befriend rooney WHICH IS KIND OF MY SOLE PURPOSE FOR EXISTENCE CURRENTLY. rooney’s so cool. I LOVE HER)

although UMBRIGE SAYS I MUSTN’T LIE. hence the confession: plants with fabulously evil names ARE THE SAVING GRACE OF THE WHOLE WORLD. 

I LOVE ROONEY SO MUCH. and most of this post is a tribute to the fact. BUT THERE’S ALSO REASONS AND I LOVE BULLET LISTS AND THERE HAVEN’T BEEN ANY IN THIS POST AND THEREFORE I ABSOLUTELY MUST PROVIDE DESPITE YOUR DISAGREEMENTS. (keep quiet, my olives). HENCE, welcome to all the reasons ROONEY IS THE BEST OF EVER. FEATURING, A COMPREHENSIVE LIST *insert all the fancy hand flourishes*:

• she’s the darcy of loveless AND SO SO INCREDIBLY FUN.
• AND I LOVE FUN
• also is a side character BUT IS SO INCREDIBLY HUMAN
• AND I LOVE HER MORE THAN GEORGIA
• and georgia’s basically my adopted kid SO ROONEY BEING BETTER IS SLIGHTLY REALLY HUGE
• and she loves shakespeare
• DID I MENTION SHAKESPEARE
• SHAKESPEARE’S KIND OF THE MAIN REASON ACTUALLY
• except for the fact THAT SHE HAS A PET CACTUS AND SHE KEEPS IT IN HER DORM WINDOW AND FORGETS TO WATER IT SOMETIMES, but she named it roderick AND IT’S SUCH A NICE PLANT, ACTUALLY
• and everyone asks about it for conversation starters whenever they enter the room
• SEE? ROONEY’S FABULOUS.
• and roderick MAKES THE ENTIRE BOOK SO SO MUCH BETTER I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU.
• i shall plant a cactus and name it roderick as a tribute to rooney and to remember her forever
• I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU, ROONEY

i suggest you go read this before the daggers slip and land in your foot. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BLEEDING FEET OF LATER DAYS. i issue warnings. and don’t take responsibility if my minions (AKA YOU) do not heed them.

I SUGGEST YOU HEED THEM.

some of the best books that have been SAVING YOUR LIFE RECENTLY?? fun stuff that happened?? books about friendship THAT MAKE YOUR HEART FEEL FEELINGS (THE NERVE)?? some of your most highly recommended queer books?? I NEED ANSWERS, MY DUDES. (I ALSO NEED ROONEY TO BE MY FRIEND. BUT NO ONE SHALL GIVE ME THAT. hence the answers. YOU MUST PROVIDE)