possibly, one of the worst things in life is when you read an entire book and then realize that you are passionately of the mind that what you just read MUST BE BURNED DOWN, even if aforementioned burning TAKES DOWN THE WORLD WITH IT.
it’s even sadder if you accidentally happen to read an entire SERIES that matches the description.
hi i’m the olive (REMEMBER ME?? i rule upon the worlds??) and i spent 2 sleepless days wasting my time trying not to throw books and torn hair at the wall.
mostly because it wasn’t the wall’s fault, ok?? BUT ALSO BECAUSE AFOREMENTIONED BOOKS WERE ON MY IPAD AND THE IPAD IS MY LIFE SO THIS IS TECHNICALLY SELF-DESTRUCTION AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT.
hence also the disappearance, although that can be blamed on many other less fortunate things such as:
- ME NOT WANTING TO WRITE
- i am firmly of the opinion that DISAPPEARING IS FUN SOMETIMES
- also was busy as mentioned already
- and travelled to india WHICH IS SLIGHTLY EXHAUSTING
- i wanted to just generally avoid all things. which includes the blog
you know how they always show these grumpy middle-aged people in movies, standing on their uncleaned front porch the entire day and yelling at neighbourhood kids for throwing balls into their yards and painting on the wall and pulling all the grass out??
i’ve recently learned that life can do that to you sometimes.
actually. this book might do that to you someday.
IF I AM GRUMPY FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR AND AM OCCASSIONALLY FOUND TALKING SMOL KIDS’ EARS OFF REGARDING THE RIGHT DIRECTION OF THOWING BALLS (WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE MY FRONT YARD DARN YOU, ALTHOUGH I TECHNICALLY DO NOT HAVE ONE BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS WE MUST #CONVENIENTLY #IGNORE BEFORE I TEAR YOUR HAIR OUT), KNOW THAT ‘THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY’ IS TO BLAME.
it’s actually kind of monstrous.
and it might also be the reason for destruction of the dragons and the evil queen of ALL (aka ME).
reasons why ‘the summer i turned pretty’ might turn you into grumpiness galore AND MAKE ALL THE KIDS HATE YOU AND ALSO MAKE THE DRAGONS DISAPPEAR
(also, before we go in, FAIR WARNING but there’s a couple of minor spoilers sprinkled throughout the review because i’m mad and it’s a rant. you cannot have a rant without minor spoilers. except i suggest YOU NEVER GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE BOOK SERIES so getting to know all the spoilers MIGHT KEEP YOU AWAY. but yes, there’s spoilers SO AT LEAST I WARNED YOU)
this book kind of proves that synopses are EVIL CREATURES OF THIS WORLD and often turn out to be liars full of contained evilness AND BETRAYAL
and this is bad because I KIND OF LIVE OFF OF SYNOPSES SOMETIMES OK?? it’s my coping mechanism with homework and ALL THINGS LIFE and the sad sad truth that it isn’t humanly possible to read all the books ever written and it’s also the #1 way to cry over how desperately you want to read a book BUT TIME IS EVIL AND WON’T STOP AT YOUR COMMAND.
i’ve lost faith in the synopsesly beings though. this book lied and so did the synopsis and i’m freakishly mad about that actually. because the synopsis mentioned summer AND HOW THAT’S THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE and i felt so SEEN AND UNDERSTOOD AND I SILENTLY SOBBED??
look maybe the last part is a smol exaggeration BECAUSE ITS NOT THAT EASY TO MAKE YOUR EYES WATER OK but it was still betrayal. which is the point.
this was supposed to be THE book that basically showed solidarity in THE MAGNIFICENCE OF SUMMER and maybe it was also supposed to argue about why SUMMER SHOULD BE OUR EVERYDAY and the rest of the seasons should just conveniently be cut out from life, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY SUMMER IS THE BEST THING OF EVER BECAUSE WHAT DO YOU CALL:
- WHICH ALSO MEANS NO SCHOOLS, just to clear any lingering confusion
- AND THAT TRANSLATES TO FREEDOM, SMOL DUMB OLIVE OF MINE
- aka THE BASIC NECESSITY OF LIFE, which all adults usually decide to conveniently IGNORE
- because freedom means conquering the world and life AND ALL THE LIBRARIES OF EVER
- also holidays are just nice ok
- AND ALSO ICE CREAM
- SO. MUCH. ICE CREAM!!!
it sadly didn’t do any of that and starting off my summer with a series that lied about all things summer PROBABLY WASN’T THE BEST IDEA IN HINDSIGHT.
but hindsight is called hind for a reason, AND I LACK FORESIGHT WHICH IS A CONSTANT SOURCE OF ANNOYANCE, but?? THE UNIVERSE DOESNT LISTEN OK??
this was basically a pointless story about a girl named belly who likes sugar and whose only purpose in life is to make a boy fall in love with her. the only summer part of this is the fact that she meets this boy in the summer and never else. i’m possibly making this sound worse than it is BUT IT IS BAD SO I’M ONLY SAVING YOU FROM THE TORTURE THAT SHALL LATER BE YOUR FATE.
and look, BEING OBSESSED WITH SUGAR IS HIGHLY RELATABLE except the part where BELLY HAS NO PERSONALITY WHICH GETS ANNOYING AFTER A WHILE, and the book has no plot AND HONESTLY NOTHING GOOD GOING FOR IT.
i am anger and annoyance.
the book is misnamed because the only thing that belly is, is a personality-less olive and the whiniest person on the planet in all of ever AND WE MUST DECLARE WAR (and possibly also lead protests to change the title someday because #satisfaction)
plus there isn’t even any ice cream. SO YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS BOOK IS HEADING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION BECAUSE WHAT IS SUMMER FOR IF NOT DEVOURING ALL THE ICE CREAM AM I RIGHT??
i am right.
belly is the queen of dumbness and MAKING-THE-OBVIOUS-WRONG-DECISIONS-BECAUSE-SHE-EITHER-THINKS-ITS-FUN-TO-MESS-LIFE-UP-OR-AFOREMENTIONED-TERRIBLE-CHOICES-ARE-MAYBE-BASED-OFF-OF-SHEER-DUMBNESS-THAT-MAKES-UP-HER-ENTIRE-LIFE.
look i obviously wish it’s the second one because belly is my new-found mortal enemy and i hate her and wish the worst on her. SO ITS UNDERSTANDABLE HOW I WOULDN’T WANT TO THINK SHE HAS A DEEPER CHARACTER THAN THAT AND IS SOMEHOW BETTER THAN THE UNIVERSE AND PLAYING TRICKS WITH LIFE, YES??
and as the book shows it, I AM RIGHT IN ASSUMING THAT.
she’s kind of annoyingly disrespctful TO LIFE and the generalness of the world, and also has no self confidence CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF ITS EVEN HEALTHY TO ROOT FOR OR LOVE A PROTAGONIST WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO MAKE A BOY FALL FOR HER AND LIVES FOR NOTHING MORE THAN THAT??
its stupidity and i hate the world for it. THIS BOOK IS JUST BAD, OK??
there’s a love triangle AND I’M NOT AGAINST THEM AS A GENERAL RULE (i like the drama sometimes ok) BUT IT’S INFINITELY TOO MUCH OVER HERE (the drama, i mean)
if we’re ever successful in conducting that aforementioned march to change the name of the world and this jumbly mess of words and ink and wasted tree bark, WE SHALL CHANGE IT TO ‘THE DRAMA-FILLED PAGES OF IDIOCY’ or maybe ‘THERE’S DRAMA HERE AND THERE’S A WARNING THAT PERHAPS YOUR BRAIN SHALL COMBUST SO YOU SHOULD CONSIDER STAYING AWAY’.
it would have been helpful in saving my life like that, if those names were interchanged BEFORE i was subjected to this word-filled mess of aforementioned idiocy. but i also probably wouldn’t be able to stay away from promises of ‘brain combustion’ SO ITS NOT AS COMPLETELY FOOL-PROOF AS WE IMAGINE IT TO BE (#EVILNESS)
but at least THE TITLE WOULDN’T BE A LIE ANYMORE AND IT WOULD ALSO BE SLIGHTLY HILARIOUS AND RIDICULOUSLY ENTERTAINING.
but anyway. love triangle.
it’s technically more like a quadrilateral or something in the first book WHICH STILL MAINTAINS THE FACT THAT IT’S DUMB AND DRAMA FILLED WITHOUT NEEDING TO BE, but its a new-found dream of mine to someday punch all the characters and SCREAM a bit. highly recommend thinking up all the stuff you shall say in the screams when you’re in a bad mood AND ANGRY AT THE WORLD.
conrad is the fischer boy the first. your first impression of him would be, well, acceptable?? or maybe even a smol bit good? he appears strange and slightly mysterious and a little evil AND ALSO SECRET. kind of like, forbidden?? so you might like him and think him decent.
but you shall think wrong. HE’S ACTUALLY VERY BORING AND ORDINARY AND IS SHOWN OVERLY-DRAMATICALLY IN THE FIRST BOOK BUT THEN THE DRAMATIC APPEARANCE LEADS UP TO NOTHING AND HE’S JUST DUMB LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND A GENERAL IDIOT IN SEVERE NEED OF PUNCHING.
we must break a few teeth too FOR SATISFACTION PURPOSES. also HIS NARRATION IS THE MOST TERRIBLE THING OF EVER and the kid DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO BE INTERESTING. like, duuuuude?? it’s hugely boring and also annoying after a while. LET’S PUNCH.
jeremiah is the fischer boy the second and IN LOVE WITH BELLY and jealous that belly chooses conrad over him and MAN. he has terrible taste anyway AND HE’S ALSO ANNOYING BECAUSE. BELLY, OK?? BELLY IS A PERSONALITYLESS IDIOT AND JEREMIAH. HAS. TERRIBLE. TASTE.
he’s also idiot #1 because LET’S BE REAL, this book is kind of famous like that.
to top off the quadrilateral WITH BELLY AT THE TOPMOST POINT, there’s also this one human whose name i forget sometimes. belly meets him at a campfire party (OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT) and falls in love with him but not really. the story goes something like this: belly uses him to make conrad jealous and it kind of works and it’s honestly disgusting.
and then there’s THE STORY. aka ridiculousness GALORE. it’s slightly PHENOMENALLY MINDBLOWING how someone can base 871 entire pages (I CALCULATED) on belly being a general self-obsessed brat, who’s unable to choose between TWO EQUALLY DUMB, PERSONALITY-LESS BROTHERS.
honestly, I THINK THE CHOICE IS PRETTY CLEAR. belly must abandon them ALL (after punching BECAUSE THEY DESERVE PUNCHING OK) and go fly to new york AND START A NEW LIFE WITH ALL THE AMAZINGNESS AND WAFFLES FOR BREAKFAST EVERYDAY AND A PART-TIME JOB WORKING AS A LIBRARIAN WHILE SHE SPENDS THE REST OF HER DAYS CREATING PLANS OF WORLD DOMINATION AND STUDYING LITERATURE AT A UNIVERSITY AND THEN ULTIMATELY TAKING OVER THE WORLD. and changing her name to something that isn’t downright ridiculous.
but belly’s dumb so the book isn’t like that, with belly the greatest narrator of ALL. it goes like this: “oh oh i looove conrad he’s so secretive and brooding AND THE BEST EVER and i love him and want him to just look at me and like me,, oh but wait, there’s also his smol brother jeremiah and he’s the sweetest ever AND ALSO MY FIRST EVER KISS and he loves me maybe i should choose him instead. BUT CONRAD. i love conrad too ok?? but its fine conrad doesn’t want me, so it’s jeremiah. jeremiah is the love of my life and i shall marry him when i’m eighteen and still haven’t finished college because IT’S COOL LIKE THAT and also because he cheated on me during the time when we broke up AND YES THAT’S STILL CALLED CHEATING WHY DO YOU ASK, so i must marry him TO PROVE A POINT. but oh shit i just realized i am actually IN LOVE WITH CONRAD. but its my wedding day WHAT DO I DO. ok let’s fastforward time and BETRAY JEREMIAH and call off the marriage AND WASTE EVERYONE’S MONEY now i shall marry conrad instead my life is so perfect, WOW.”
i do not understand this?
it’s kind of my greatest life ambition to someday murder belly and it’s even worth the imprisonment charges. SHE DESREVES SO MUCH EVILNESS AND ALL THE PUNCHING
there was a time about two years ago when i had the most amazing imagined scenarios of punching all the people who annoyed me. this usually included characters from hindi soap operas and annoying people from life. it was a lot of fun obviously but then i decided to spend my time thinking of more important things (SUCH AS KIDNAPPING THE DRAGONLY BEINGS) and gave up on this smol, evil fantasy of mine.
belly very dangerously stands on the wrong side of the line. also known as — THE EVIL SIDE. wherein i decide to start dreaming of the many ways i can torture characters again. except it won’t be soap operas anymore because i’ve long since given up on them. this time it shall be belly instead.
i shall not even feel guilty. because judging by the way her relationships with EVERYONE OF EVER are the weakest ever and don’t even seem geniuinely real, NO ONE WOULD EVEN MIND RIGHT?? RIGHT??
i could possibly also get off the murder charges if i go about this properly.
finishing this ACTUALLY MADE MY WHOLE LIFE and i was happiness and cried tears of SO MUCH JOY
i know it’s dumb how i read through the entirety of three whole books even though I PASSIONATELY HATED THEM ALL WHY WOULD I DO THAT?? idk really. i do dumb stuff sometimes?? or maybe it was the fact that i FLEW THROUGH ALL THE BOOKS and was feeling immensely accomlished regarding my goodreads goal like that. and also wanted to rant WHILE BEING COMPLETELY ACCOMPLISHED FOR IT. so yes. this review was the purpose. fun stuff.
but seriously. FINISHING THIS AND TURNING THE LAST PAGE AND FINDING NO MORE WORDS WAS QUITE HEAVENLY. i laughed for five whole minutes and was smiling lunatically and people probably thought i went mad. which i did. THIS SERIES IS MADNESS SO OBVIOUSLY I INHERITED SOME OF IT.
but look, I WAS VERY VERY HAPPY OK?? this was torturous and feeding-your-worst-enemy-worthy. the thought of never having to read this series ever again for as long as my existence on this planet lasts (PETITION TO NEVER GIVE THIS BOOK ENTRY ONTO MARS) BASICALLY GAVE ME LIFE AND I CRIED. so it isn’t completely bad, i guess?? BECAUSE IT GAVE ME LIFE LIKE THAT.
but also this book kind of made me lose faith IN ALL CONTEMPORARY so i have been busy living off of fantasy and all things taylor jenkins reid ever since. IT’S A NICE LIFE.
thoughts on individual books BECAUSE SCREAMING IS NICE LIKE THAT
the summer i turned pretty (book the first and the comparatively decent)
in an inkshell: there’s a girl and she lives for summer. because summer means she gets to go to the beach house where susannah and her boys live, where belly spent her every summer since as long back as her memory goes, together with conrad and jeremiah, aforementioned boys and belly’s brother-figures and crushes and friends and basically all things of ever. they’re kind of her life and so summer is too.
- it would have been funny how these books keep getting worse and worse if the first wouldn’t already have been unbearable. I DO NOT EXAGGERATE WHEN I SAY IT WAS TORTURE OK?? the characters are all ridiculously annoying assholes AND THE FACT THAT THEY’RE ALSO LACKING IN TERMS OF ‘KIDNAPPING A PERSONALITY, FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE’ DOES NOT HELP MATTERS.
- the first installment of ‘THE WHINY BELLY’ tells the story of the summer she finally succeeded in making both the fisher brothers fall in love with her and also the story of belly being a general asshole who uses people and throws them away and is obnoxious and self-obsessed and, you know, THE OTHER GENERAL THINGS YOU’VE LEARNED TO ASSOCIATE HER WITH BY THIS POINT??
- susannah is the only good point OTHER THAN LAUREN WHO BASICALLY ONE HANDEDLY CARRIES THIS BOOK AND THE ENTIRE WORLD AND MUST BE APPALUDED FOR THE REST OF LIFE. welcome sense, WHICH IS LAUREN. she’s belly’s mum by the way and i firmly believe she has been wronged by the universe AND DESPERATELY DESERVES BETTER CHILDREN JUST SAYING.
- there’s also smol amounts of swimming and summer parties and the occassional flash backs AND FOOD and truckloads of drama BECAUSE WHAT ELSE IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE RIGHT
it’s not summer without you (book the second and the worst ever)
in an inkshell: susanah’s dead and it’s kind of sad because she was the only minutely-decent character. except there’s also laurel AND SHE ACTUALLY HAS BRAINS (highly surprising, BUT IN A GOOD WAY) but has HARDLY ANY SHOWTIME. it’s sad. so there’s kind of this adventure to find the missing conrad (belly hates him now) and it’s all expectedly idiotic.
- look. if we were to try distinguishing and THUS RANKING EVERYTHING IN THE THREE BOOKS, it would be difficulty GALORE to determine the worst possible element. but since i’ve spent days OBSESSING, i’ve come to the very foolproof conclusion that NOTHING beats the book titles in position for worst. THEY’RE OFFICIALLY TORTUROUSLY UNBEARABLE. and also make no sense.
- also the lack of icecream and SUMMERY THINGS, but THE TITLES ARE ABOMINATIONS OK
- everything else kind of remains the same though?? except conrad gets worse AND I CANNOT STAND HIM and jeremiah’s pathetic and i sometimes dream sweet dreams of punching sense into him and belly’s the same old self-absorbed brat who cares not about THE WORLD. everything is so EXPECTEDLY UNEXCITING I SHALL CRY
- there’s also some food though and it feels slightly insulting because FOOD IS GOOD OK?? it does not belong here
- and there’s also some flashbacks and i hate them because there’s TOO. MUCH. CONRAD in them. there’s also some smol hints at the taylor and belly friendship and its annoying how TAYLOR SEEMS LIKE THE BETTER FRIEND HERE, because again, BELLY CARES NOT. belly’s annoying
- on second thoughts I KIND OF GET WHY BELLY’S THE TERRIBLE OLIVE SHE ALWAYS PROVES TO BE. its because of the name people!! why wouldn’t anyone want to DESTROY THE UNIVERSE and all the people who named you IF THEY NAMED YOU LAUGHABLY UNSTANDABLE STUFF LIKE, UM, BELLY. her name’s actually isabel BUT IT MIGHT AS WELL BE BELLY. because everyone calls her belly. SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH…. EVERYONE?
we’ll always have summer (book the third and greatest abomination of all)
in an inkshell: there’s a marriage and there’s some unproven stuff and mixed up letters and angry parents and generally-dumb characters. also conrad narrates which ends disastrously because i do end up throwing stuff at the wall. I EXPECT PAYBACK OK?? THIS IS EVILNESS
- the purpose of this entire series constantly confuses me. the hype does too actually. WHY WOULD PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE WITH CHARACTERS WHOSE ONLY PERSONALITY TRAIT IS TO BLAME THE WORLD EVERY CHANCE THEY GET?? people confuse me sometimes.
- BUT! i like how the books have a general never-giving-up property of getting worse with every book and every page and every word. HATING WORDS IS A FABULOUS LIFE-COPING MECHANISM ACTUALLY.
- they’re stubborn like that
- so by aforementioned property, this book if by far the worst. THE PROPERTY IS PROVEN TRUE BECAUSE IT IS ACTUALLY WAY WORSE THAN ALL THE REST (wow mindblowing)! there’s a marriage and then it’s cancelled and stuff happens and jeremiah is dumped, except belly doesn’t go on to adopt a different name and shift to new york AND THUS BEGIN HER PLAN OF WORLD CONQUERING. she marries conrad.
- HA. HAHAHAHAHAHA
- IT WOULD HAVE BEEN RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY ACTUALLY
- if it hadn’t been annoyingly RIDICULOUS.
- but it was the later. so it couldn’t be the first
- also we desperately need to take a smol moment TO APPRECIATE THE BOOK TITLES. i do not undertand them and am confusion. what do you mean by ‘we’ll always have summer‘?? SEASONS AREN’T IN THE GENERAL HABIT OF ABANDONING THE WORLD AND RUNNING AWAY INTO THE GREAT UNKNOWN LAST TIME I CHECKED.
tell me about LIFE?? and how is the world treating you?? IS IT SUMMER AND IF YES HAVE YOU MURDERED ALL THE TBRS YET?? books you’ve fallen in love with recently?? FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOURS?? do you like swimming?? WORST BOOK YOU’VE READ SO FAR THIS YEAR??? also have you read THE ABOMINATION KNOWN AS THIS SERIES?? IF YES, THOUGHTS PLEASE?