sometimes you spend all your days waiting for summer breaks and the rest of the year is basically just the time when you plan out aforementioned summer and create tbrs and other plans and GET EXCITED OVER STUFF.
this is also what i usually do (i’m unoriginal like that) BECAUSE SUMMER IS THE ACTUAL PART OF LIFE, OKAY?!! the rest of the time is just, like, a break from summer BECAUSE THE EXCITEMENT WOULD VANISH IF WE HAD THE GOOD STUFF ALL THE TIME. rules of the universe, I DISAGREE OF COURSE. summer is amazing and we MUST have it all the time WHO EVEN MAKES THESE RULES DARNIT!
but anyway. thing is. IT’S SUMMER!!!!! aka the most awaited time of year, WHEN WE DEVOUR ALL THE BOOKS AND SWIM IN THE WATER (this is more like ‘common misconception’ actually. I CAN’T SWIM) and EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM OF EVER and take over the world. THE GOOD STUFF.
but look. summer is only one and a half months long for me SO WE MUST MAKE THE MOST OF IT. otherwise the world might end and everyone would sob. AND THE RIVERS WOULD OVERFLOW. we can’t have that obviously BECAUSE IT’S SUMMER!!! RIVERS AREN’T ALLOWED TO OVERFLOW IN SUMMER. it would disrupt the balance of the UNIVERSE.
that’s why we create plans. AND THOSE PLANS OBVIOUSLY FOCUS ON THE MOST IMPORTANT THING – aka WORLD DOMINATION BECAUSE WHAT ELSE IS LIFE FOR, AM I RIGHT??
i am right.
so welcome to the olive’s step-by-step, foolproof plan TO DOMINATING THE WORLD (and also the universe EVENTUALLY) IN THE COURSE OF A SINGLE SUMMER!!!
okay look a little bit of background here. MY SUMMER STARTS ON JULY THE 1ST and ends sometime mid-august?? (WHO REMEMBERS END DATES ANYWAY) which is not nearly enough time to DEVOUR ALL OF THE 836565 BOOKS ON MY TBR. and i also want to re-read and TAKE OVER THE WORLD and devour cakes and olives and LIBRARIES and WATCH MOVIES. it’s a lot of things, okay?? AND THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!!! HENCE WE MUST PLAN STUFF. PROPERLY (and also possibly go in search of a time machine, BUT MINOR DETAILS) and what better way to create aforementioned plans than to SCREAM ON THE BLOG, AMIRITE??? hence this post. IT’S BASICALLY JUST ME GUSHING OVER SUMMER AND MAKING PEOPLE JEALOUS AND PLANNING TO DEVOUR MORE BOOKS THAN I CAN READ! #FUN.
SO THE STEPS GO ALONG THE LINES OF SUCH:
blogging plans and that time i took over the internet
world domination is a complicated thing.
even after spending the entirety of the past month doing freakishly huge amounts of research, I’M STILL UNSURE WHETHER I MUST BOARD A SPACESHIP AND MAKE MY WAY TO THE MOON AND ESTABLISH MY RULE WITH A BIG, BIG FLAG AND SPEND THE NEXT FEW MINUTES CACKLING UNTIL MY LUNGS STOP COOPERATING, AND THEN PROCEED TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH FROM SPACE. or do i TRAVEL THE WORLD and convince the humans to BE ON MY SIDE, AND STEAL WAFFLES AND BOOKS AND OLIVES??
i couldn’t get anyone to lend me a spaceship though. SO I’M TRAVELLING! through the internet. THAT STILL COUNTS OKAY??
basically ALL OF THAT translates to ‘hi i’m the olive and deserve to rule the world, and NO, I DON’T PROVIDE REASONS for the bold claim. but people won’t let me do that SO I’M BEING QUEEN OF THIS BLOG INSTEAD AND HAVE LOTS OF CONTENT PLANNED’
and i also have plans of devouring ALL THE HYPED BOOKS because 1) i feel HIGHLY LONELY OVER HERE 2) they’re supposed to be GOOD?? WHY WOULD I BE SO DUMB AS TO SAY NO TO THAT?? 3) i also need all the good things TO KEEP ME SANE and hence mean to drown under words AND FORGET THE WORLD. hyped fantasy is the #1 way to do that, DUEL AT 5 PM ON SUNDAY THE 3RD IF ANYONE DARE BE EVIL AND DISAGREE. although i might still need to confirm the time with my mom, BUT SHHH. the hyped books.
- like i mentioned, ALL THE FANTASY OF EVER! because fantasy is life AND WHAT BETTER WAY TO DISRESPECT THE WORLD AND JUST BE GENERALLY REBELLIOUS AND AMAZING, AM I RIGHT?? plus, i’ve been reading WAAAAY TOO LITTLE FANTASY LATELY AND NEED TO CHANGE THAT?!!! (it was six of crows. BLAME SIX OF CROWS. it spoiled me okay?? NO OTHER FANTASY IS EVER AS GOOD AND THIS FACT HAS LED TO MANY EXISTENTIAL CRISES AND I. DO. NOT. LIKE) current tbr includes: 1) these violent delights (RACHEL WON’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT IT AND I ALSO NEED ALL THE COMPENSATION FOR MY BOOKS. AND HEARTBREAK + TORTURE IS ALWAYS A FUN ADDITION!) 2) the mortal instruments (I DESPERATELY WANT TO JOIN IN ALL THE SCREAMING, PEOPLE!!) 3) we hunt the flames (mostly because my tbr is tired of holding it AND MIGHT MURDER ME AS REVENGE SOMEDAY. I SHALL BETRAY THE TBR BEFORE IT BETRAYS ME #genius) 4) the darkest part of the forest (as writing research because ENCHANTED FORESTS!! plus i got a library copy AND IT LOOKS DELICIOUS)
- i also mean to read all the taylor jenkins reid books BECAUSE EVELYN HUGO KIND OF STOLE MY HEART AND NOW LIVES IN IT?? and am desperate for MOOOOOORE. so i’m buddy reading the entire tjr collection with suhani, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY THE WAY IT SHOULD BE DONE. if you ever find me screaming while simultaneously running about the house at 12 in the night, KNOW THAT IT IS PROBABLY FROM EXCITEMENT. BECAUSE TJR!!!!!
- and also all the alice oseman books actually SINCE ASH AND SUHANI MIGHT JOIN IN A COMBINED ATTEMPT AT TORTURING ME OTHERWISE. and why read only one book when you can read them ALL, right??
the internet is a fun place. i mean to spend time doing gun research AND ALSO LOOK AT HEIST PLANNING TACTICS.
(WHY DO YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT???? ALL OF THAT IS FOR WRITING RESEARCH OKAY?? I SWEAR!!!)
writing and word conquests
remember that one time we screeched about books and stories and magic and waffles?? AND I INTRODUCED YOU TO A GIRL WITH A HAUNTED HOUSE AND WAFFLE OBSESSION??
in other words, MY NEW NOVEL IDEA!!
i mean to DO ALL THE RESEARCH and start outlining AND MAYBE ALSO DROWN UNDER THE WORDS?? look. summer = reading + writing + FORGETTING ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF A WORLD OUTSIDE OF STORIES. i was VERY VERY successful in doing this last year AND FORGOT ALL THE HUMANS, so why would i have any trouble now?? PLUS I’M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT WORDS CURRENTLY SO IT’S PRETTY MUCH PERFECT. and i’ll eat all the waffles as celebration treats and maybe burn them a little BECAUSE MY DRAGONS SHALL PROVIDE THE FIRE AND WE’LL SING SONGS AND BUILD A CAMPFIRE AND THEN FLY AWAY INTO THE NIGHT AND SHATTER THE MOON.
dragons are amazing like that.
all the books i mean to devour
some might say this is the only reason my plan of world domination is still alive.
i would MAYBE agree. (I SAID MAYBE!!!)
but look. THIS IS FOR THE KNOWLEDGE OKAY?? if i wish to rule the universe, OBVIOUSLY I CANNOT BE SOME SEMI-EDUCATED OLIVE WHO LIKES FANTASY AND LIVES IN IT SOMETIMES. i need to READ ALL THE BOOKS OF EVER AND LIVE OFF THEM AND CONSUME ALL THE KNOWLEDGE AND LEARN SWORD FIGHTING. hence the books.
the wait for this book has actually been THE MOST EXCITING THING IN MY LIFE for a while now?? BECAUSE I MAY HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH WE WERE LIARS AND THERE WERE TEARS AND I WAS OBSESSED?? so obviously i need this. PLUS SUMMER IS, LIKE, PERFECT FOR READING IT. (there’s also the smol fact that i need to devour it before it devours me. SO)
→ secrets and betrayal and lies
→ set on a private island
→ TAKES PLACE IN THE SUMMER
→ and i fully intend to GET OBSESSED
→ and maybe cry a little??
i have a SLIGHT obsession with books featuring skulls on the cover. THEY JUST LOOK RIDICULOUSLY FASCINATING, OKAY?!! plus, THE HYPE and the FREAKISHLY AMAZING SYNOPSIS. and… just everything basically?? I NEED.
→ AND DID I MENTION EVERYONE LOVES IT????
→ also, MURDER
→ DARK ACADEMIA
→ twisty plot THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HIGHLY ADDICTING?!!
→ DO YOU SEE THAT COVER
although i like to think of myself as the fearless queen of eternity and olives, i admit that BOOKS SCARE ME SOMETIMES. like this one. all the reviews are SO MIXED and my smol brain is C O N F U S E D?? but HEIST. IT’S SLIGHTLY HORRENDOUSLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE UP, SORRY.
→ i like the cover
→ heist to steal chinese art from western museums!!!!!
→ IT’S ALL JUST VERY EXCITING, OKAY?!!
→ characters discovering their identity
→ AND DID I MENTION THERE’S A HEIST???
it’s been AGES since i read pride and prejudice AND RACHEL’S RECENT OBSESSIONS HAVE MADE ME SLIGHTLY DESPERATE. so the solution?? RETELLINGS WITH GORGEOUS COVERS FEATURING DAGGERS AND M U R D E R!!!
→ pride and prejudice retelling, BUT THERE’S MURDER
→ also themes of feminism (PERFECTION, BASICALLY)
→ takes place in nineteenth century london (#EXCITEMENT)
→ also RIVALS-TO-LOVERS, PEOPLE!!!! RIVALS-TO-LOVERS!!!
fantasy books as disguise for world domination and other secrets
i begrudgingly admit that THIS IS MY MOST FAVORITE PART OF THE PLAN. books are fun and all, BUT BATTLES??? SWORDS?? BLOODSHED??? #YES. there’s also the DEFEATING ENEMIES AND TAKING OVER THE WORLD PART which usually results in LOTS of cackling. FUN.
and this is how i’m going to take over aforementioned world: READ ALL THE FANTASY OF EVER AND COME BACK WITH ENOUGH TIPS TO BETRAY THE PEOPLE AND AFOREMENTIONED ENEMIES.
look. fantasy + GORGEOUS COVER + assassins + AMAZING SUBTITLES ON AFOREMENTIONED GORGEOUS COVER + a synopsis sounding like PERFECTION = MY LIFE IS MADE. this book made it.
(also i kind of want to make up for the fact that i’ve never read the aurora cycle, but MINOR DETAILS)
→ high fantasy featuring ASSASSINS
→ PLUS i’ve read FABULOUS REVIEWS
→ badass mc WHO SEEKS REVENGE
→ AND DID I MENTION ASSASSINS???
everybody, SCREAM!!!!! i’ve been obsessively checking the library site for the e-copy SINCE IT’S RELEASE DATE AND FINALLY HIT THE JACKPOT LAST NIGHT!!! look, it may have ended with me screeching and ACCIDENTALLY WAKING UP THE NEIGHBOURS, but shhh. I GOT THE BOOK OKAY??!
→ goblin markets and magic. THE DARK KIND
→ also FRIENDSHIPS
→ plus the cover looks fascinating, OKAY
→ THE ANTICIPATION HAS BASICALLY BEEN KILLING ME EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO DEVOUR THIS
summer is officially declared THE SEASON FOR DEVOURING ALL THE LOOOOONG HIGH-FANTASY BOOKS OF EVER. because we don’t have the required braincells during the rest of the year.
→ set in ANCIENT CHINA
→ girl disguises herself as a boy and tries not to get caught (FUN STUFF)
→ COMPARED TO THE POPPY WARS??? SO OBVIOUSLY I NEED
→ beautiful writing (jsaddhdghdsgh)
→ also includes politics!!!
hype is a fascinating thing sometimes.
→ magicians + libraries = EXCITING STUFF
→ THERE’S A LIBRARY, OKAY??
→ also MAGIC
→ I MAY HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THE SYNOPSIS SO OBVIOUSLY I NEED THE BOOK
→ also the cover looks pretty AND THERE’S ILLUSTRATIONS INSIDE!!!
→ i’m scared to read this BUT ALSO EXCITED, basically
i heard pirates and came running DON’T JUDGE
→ magical book WITH STORIES OF LOST LANDS
→ it’s erin morgenstern so obviously we get FASCINATING PROSE
→ HAVE YOU READ THE SYNOPSIS????
→ THERE’S KEYS ON THE COVER
→ features ancient libraries AND STORIES (!!!)
→ do you see THE KEYS
→ i’m ridiculously excited to the point where it’s NOT OKAY
movies and tv shows i might consider devouring
running around declaring myself the queen and threatening all the people who object to a duel sounds like THE BETTER PLAN. but i’m not being given the permission to do that, sadly. so i have to give away all my precious chocolates for this noble cause. THE WORLD IS RIDICULOUS LIKE THAT.
- i have something against movies and don’t watch them that often. it’s nothing big, really, just like an unspoken agreement that we don’t work well with each other?? no murder threats have been made as of yet by either side SO ALL IS FINE WITH THE WORLD.
- but SHHHHH i see everyone screaming about favorites and then softly sob a little BECAUSE I ALSO WANT TO GET OBSESSED WITH MOVIES OKAY?? so i’m DOING THAT. because what is summer for if not breaking the rules and doing rebellious things and PROVING THE WORLD WRONG, am i right??
- i don’t have a set-in-stone watchlist as of yet (BUT AM VERY MUCH OPEN TO MOVIE / TV SHOW RECOMMENDATIONS) but am planning on binge-ing all the marvel content OF EVER because i’m BEHIND ALL THE HYPE. it’s sad.
this is where i live a life… or something like that
my life is words and books and stories. so this entire post kind of HAS been spent planning it.
but the world defines things differently. and sometimes i’m kind and accept those definitions. SO HERE’S MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT MONTH AND A HALF:
- i adventure fantasy lands and discover magic and become the sword-fighting expert i’ve always dreamed of being
- ALSO BEFRIENDING THE DRAGON OVERLORD AND EATING WAFFLES TOGETHER
- and writing W O R D S.
- also i’m EXHAUSTED and in desperate need of a break?? TO THE POINT WHERE I KIND OF WISH I COULD BE SICK SO I WOULDN’T HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK AND COULD JUST SLEEP IN BED ALL DAY AND R E A D. i’ve been trying so hard to keep up with blogging AND IT’S BEEN INSANELY BUSY OKAY?? also i haven’t picked up a book in 5 days AND IT’S TORTUROUS. SOMEONE LET ME REAAAAD. so obviously my plans for july the first go like this: leave school BEHIND, come home, fall on bed, REAAAAD FOR THE REST OF EVER.
- i can’t wait!!!
- AND DID I MENTION I’M GOING TO INDIA AND AM RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED???? BECAUSE INDIA.
and that, people, is how i shall fulfill my life-long dreams of world domination, thus declaring this summer THE BEST EVER. while also reading all the books. BOOKS ARE IMPORTANT LIKE THAT. and screaming about words and stories. AND OLIVES. ALWAYS OLIVES.
when is YOUR SUMMER, smol olives of mine?? was the universe RUDE and did your summer finish already??? if yes, GIMME ALL THE NICE DETAILS!!! if not, LAY BARE YOUR PLANS! tbr for the summer?? favorite movies?? FAVORITE BOOKS YOU’VE READ THIS SUMMER/ ARE PLANNING ON DEVOURING SOMETIME SOON??