i have a memory of last year i keep thinking about a lot.
the last day of 2021. me being convinced i could become world ruler if i just POSTED MORE. and therefore putting up an entire timetable right above the desk where my computer usually sits. that place people sometimes use to hang up periodic tables and the like.
one of those post ideas included a goals list for 2022. people did it and i wanted to do it too.
you know. thinking back, i’m actually cackling in the quietest voice over how much i loved smol anoushka and her blatant inability to stick to plans.
because if she’d gone through with them, i would currently possibly have been in the middle of hiding under blankets from all the forgotten goals she’d made herself that day.
AND I’M ACTUALLY VERY GLAD I STILL GET TO HAVE A CHANCE TO QUALIFY AS QUEEN OF THE WORLD AND KEEP MY TITLE AS FABULOUS HUMAN.
look if i don’t make myself plans, i technically haven’t failed yet.
but then the anoushka of this year is different.
she’s slightly more unhinged and possibly got eviler over the course of said year and has learned to cackle better. but she’s also dumb. which is why she might currently be attempting to edit a BRAND NEW list of goals for a brand new year instead of the studying-for-an-exam-she-has-tomorrow kind of thing she should be doing instead.
(I DID MENTION UNHINGED, DIDN’T I)
so welcome, my olives, to goals i effortlessly created, being the fabulous person that i am. welcome also, to the reason i might unabashedly run from the blogosphere around this time of year (BUT another year later. you still get to put up with me and my annoying presence for 365 more days SO DON’T CELEBRATE YET I SEE YOU) following the failure of which, i might hide from humanity forever.
BUT ALSO NOT. because if i’ve learnt anything from my 1+ years* of blogging it’s that i am invincible and goals are created to one day be mercilessly broken.
THE EVIL LITTLE THINGS.
possibly read 200 books this year ALTHOUGH I AM FLEXIBLE.
- it’s like “i won’t make you check the behind-by-so-and-so on goodreads every hour if you don’t want to, but i’d also really like it if you weren’t. behind, i mean. so maybe just read ALL THE TIME so that you aren’t and then stalk goodreads every other day.”
- so NO PRESSURE. we’re good.
- except i shall also BE FABULOUS AS IS HABIT and divide it into four smoller chunks of 50 books and attempt at accomplishing it in four months. it’s not that i’m scared. IT’S JUST THAT I PROBABLY WON’T HAVE THE TIME. because huge reading goals aren’t ‘INTIMIDATING’. they’re downright EXCITING. and look i could give myself a 500-count goal and abandon all semblances of a life to accomplish it, NO PROBLEM. but they say i mustn’t do that. (I LISTEN, SEE??)
- i’ve lately discovered that review-writing IS ACTUALLY RIDICULOUSLY FUN?? which. you know. IS SLIGHTLY INCREDIBLY SURPRISING because the world forgot to give me the memo when i first started trying. WEIRD STUFF.
- but as a smol act of rebellion (BECAUSE THAT IS MY SOLE PURPOSE IN LIFE DARN YOU) i want to 1) keep track of ALL MY THOUGHTS on all things of ever BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS FUN and 2) possibly save my little future self all the torture that shall later befall her when she can’t remember if verity was worse or was it the summer i turned pretty
- CHOOSING WORST BOOKS AND THEN RANKING THEM IN THE EXACT RIGHT ORDER IS HARD OKAY
read mainly fantasy mixed in with truckloads of horror and maybe magical realism too. FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES.
- and also because i need it to be the most-read genre IF I ACTUALLY WANT TO GET ALL THE FANTASY-QUEEN-ING RIGHTS next year.*
- i also want this year to be GOOD reading-wise WITH FIVE-STAR OVERLOADS and fantasy is reliable like that.
- but look. I’M PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF WRITING ANYTHING OF EVER OTHER THAN FANTASY AND EVERYTHING ENDS UP BEING FANTASY EVEN WHEN I TRY TO CONVINCE IT INTO NOT BEING hence i must do everything perfectly. and read fantasy as research**
*THOSE RIGHTS ARE MY LIFE
**BECAUSE THE PERFECT LIFE IS WHERE YOU DEVOUR FANTASY EVERYDAY LIKE IT’S YOUR JOB AND THEN SPEND THE REST OF SAID DAY MAKING UP SMOL LITTLE STORIES ABOUT SMOL LITTLE CHARACTERS WHO LIKE PLAYING WITH MAGIC AND THEN WRITE THEM DOWN ON PAPER
IMPOSE BAN ON REQUESTING ARCS AGAIN UNTIL YOU READ ALL THE PENDINGS.
- sometimes i go on netgalley rampages and request books like there is no tomorrow. and i never look back. or read them. (I MOSTLY LIKE TO EXPLAIN THIS AWAY AS ME BEING #REBELLIOUS AGAIN, BUT LOOK. we’re facing all kinds of reality over here SO MIGHT AS WELL ADD THIS IN OK)
- and all of that is FINE STUFF except when THIS HAPPENS: no looking back = my ratio decreases = i won’t ever get the books i ACTUALLY DESPERATELY WANT = i shall not be able to recieve an arc of cait’s new book = HOW WILL I FIX MY BROKEN HEART.
- (look i’m currently living solely for cait’s new book SO LET’S NOT PRETEND WITH THE LIES ANYMORE)
eat more library books because WHAT DO THEY EVEN KEEP THEM AROUND FOR RIGHT.
- after much consideration i’ve come to the conclusion that the library books have no one to love them. and that’s sad. which is why i must take it upon myself to READ THEM ALL AND LOVE THEM FOREVER.
- except my mum says i mustn’t read too many ebooks and i’m a good kid. SO THAT MAY BE A REASON FOR THE-LOVING-LIBRARY-BOOKS-PLAN-I’VE-SO-TIRINGLY-CREATED BECAUSE I DON’T WANT MY CURRENT TBR-SUPPLY OF PHYSICAL BOOKS TO FINISH-BY-READING ALRIGHT. hence the library. except maybe the LOVING-LIBRARY-BOOKS-BECAUSE-THEY-NEED-THAT IS PROBABLY ALL A PLOY AGAINST HUMAITY. but shh. DON’T YOU DARE TELL.
- eh but LET’S TALK TRUTH. me being able to fully accomplish this IS QUESTIONABLE AT BEST. am pretty sure i have an e-book addiction in dire need of curing EXCUSE MY SOUL.
write a novel BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE IF I CAN ACTUALLY REALLY CARRY THROUGH AND ONE DAY GET DOWN TO RULING THE WORLD LIKE THAT.
- also because i have all these documents filled with idea-shaped-overloads AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM. raising them all is a lot of trouble AND I’M NOT GOOD AT THIS OKAY.
- therefore will use magic potions and feed it to them and MAKE THEM GROW UP TOO SOON so they can take care of themselves. (#GENIUS)
- although i might try to raise too many all at one and MISERABLY FAIL AT ALL THINGS LIFE so i suggest you GET YOUR HOPES DOWN, BOB. don’t be like that.
and short stories BECAUSE I NEED TO FEED THEM SAID POTIONS TOO and have so many ideas and pinterest boards and smol little dreams. ALSO AM INCAPABLE OF DOING A SINGLE THING AT ONCE and hence must give myself a lot of them. i need chaos, UNIVERSE. i need chaos.
- EXCUSE ME while i silently keep all my fingers crossed that this year shall be AMAZINGLY EXTRAORDINARY wherein i become a sleepless writer AND WRITE ALL THE THINGS I’VE EVER DREAMED OF LIVING THROUGH.
- because stories are all just a bunch of smol little scenarios we all wish happened to us one day but then they don’t. which is sad and hence we write them into existence and declare ourselves supreme creators of all and our make-believe worlds that we can then rule without anyone there to inform the law about our many criminal tendencies (GOSHDARNIT BOB WHY DO YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME)
- so yes. rest unassured but I WILL RULE THE WORLD THIS YEAR.
which is also why i must further chocolate-shaped-bribe myself into reading more anthologies and all things with LESS WORDS. (EXCUSE ME AS I PAVE MY WAY INTO BECOMING A MASTERMIND COME 2024)
- they say you must read books featuring witchery to become a witch. I SHALL READ SHORT STORIES AND BECOME SUPREME RULER. or storyteller. i’m not very fussy about details. OR EXPIRATION DATES.*
- i also have an anthology tbr i once very enthusiastically made myself and about 8574639 stray recs gathered from posts and goodreads and the internetly-void SO EVERYTHING’S PERFECT LIKE THAT. am good to go with enough supply to last me a total of approximately three years at least.
*YOU CAN LEND ME THE EGGS JENNIFER
am contemplating posting every three days AND IT’S EXCITING.
- look. it shall be overwhelming and chaotic WHICH MAKES IT SOUND PHENOMENAL?? i want more more more things to do in life until the world finally explodes.
- (YES HELLO THE WORDS YOU’RE CURRENTLY STARING AT WERE SUPPOSED TO GO UP ABOUT A WEEK AGO HOW DARE YOU ASK)
- also because if i can’t rule the world THEN THE NEXT BEST THING IS MAKING IT EXPLODE. will hire wylan soon THIS IS FUN.
look I’VE REDUCED MY AMBITIONS SO DON’T MAKE ME REDUCE THEM FURTHER OKAY
- once upon a time i was a smol and naive little dragon-fiend and dreamt of posting thrice a week and burning down the world and building libraries in the ashen remains. i would be a rebellious rule-follower and unapologetic queen of the galaxies while dreaming of one day claiming the ultimate title as RULER OF THE UNIVERSE (BOW TO ME, YOU LOWLY PEASANT)
- i’m still smol and a fiend now but have given up on the naive part.
- (BE PROUD)
i’ve made long long plans of reading a classic each month AND BASICALLY BECOMING MASTER AT ALL THINGS STORY.
- because LOOK. after much debate (myself versus myself) i’ve arrived at the conclusion that IF THEY’RE STILL FAMOUS CENTURIES LATER THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WORTH IT IN THERE RIGHT?
- it’s either that or the people have been lying AND WHATEVER THE END RESULTS WE ARRIVE AT, THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO FIND OUT. (although i spend all my days secretly hoping it’s the people lying BECAUSE PLOTTING REVENGE IS MY ONE TRUE PURPOSE FOR LIVING DARNIT)
- plus suhani’s agreed to join me on this brave little endeavor SO THAT’S ALWAYS EXCITING.
someone must keep me accountable and ON TRACK for replying to comments on time this year BECAUSE I AM PROCRASTINATOR EXTRAORDINAIRE and might have comments from over a year ago that still need replying
- NO ACTUALLY. make that oops times three
- (I LOVE THE COMMENTS, MY SMOL LITTLE OLIVES. THEY MAKE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, I SWEAR. it’s just that i get busy sometimes and then am tired/in the middle of reading GOOD BOOKS or writing more posts SO I GET A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY) (THERE’S CURRENTLY ALSO CATS LIVING OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE AND THEY DEMAND ALL THE ATTENTION, THOSE CUTE LITTLE BEASTS)
keep up with all the IMPOSSIBLY-DETAILED schedules i’ve so painstakingly created because DUDE I WASTED TOO MUCH TIME ON THEM FOR YOU TO CONTINUE TO PRETEND THEY DON’T EXIST, YOU LITTLE MONSTER YOU
- i’m very rebellious like that.
maybe watch more tv shows and BUILD THE PERFECT STORYBOOK LIFE. wherein i am surrounded by stories on all four sides and possibly drown under them one day.
- because i feel very behind all the time AND DON’T REALLY WATCH ANYTHING but there’s also an overfilled watchlist given permanent residence under my bed and it sometimes takes the shape of monsters and comes out to haunt me at night.
- THIS IS MY PLAN OF RETRIBUTION.
- also have all these recs sophie kindly keeps handing out AND IT’S SLIGHTLY HUMILIATING THE NUMBER OF TIMES I’VE PROMISED PEOPLE I SHALL GET TO THEIR RECS (and then proceeded to never carry out said promise KEEP MY SECRETS) BECAUSE THEY SOUND PHENOMENAL OK. sophie’s amazing like that.
ALSO MUST KEEP UP WITH ALL THE COURSEWORK BECAUSE I’M FLOODED.
- this is what i get for spending the majority of last year GETTING LOST IN WORDS. which. you know. FAIR ENOUGH, EXCEPT IT’S ALSO VERY STRESSFUL AND THE SMOLLEST BITS EXHAUSTING. there’s so many things to do SOMEONE MAKE ALL MY DECISIONS FOR ME.
- BUT SHHH if i ever happen to disappear for long stretches of time DON’T WORRY TOO MUCH. school and the evil domination that ensues would be the reason. MY TBR HASN’T OVERPOWERED (yet)
- everything’s fine with the world. AND MY LIFE.
SO I SOMETIMES LOSE TRACK OF TIME WHILE WRITING. which isn’t usually a problem. except i have an exam to study for and a galaxy to take over SO EXCUSE ME NOW.
some of the best things that happened to you in 2022?? goals you wish to achieve in 2023 BUT ARE TERRIFIED THEY SHALL RUN AWAY FROM YOU WITH THREATS AND WAR CRIES?? SECRET DREAMS OF WORLD-CONQUERING??? have you ever written a book?? DO YOU HAVE FUTURE PLANS OF MAYBE DOING THAT ONE DAY?? your goodreads reading goal for the new year?? tell me EVERYTHING, peoples. EVERYTHING.